Get off my case!

[adric]

I'm young still, and am finally managing to hold down a job AND have some fun with my friends. I deeply resent anyones' attempts to place responsibilities on me that I did not choose and that are not mine. (*gently shoves cat away from keyboard throughout typing this post*)

I missed my idiot brother's accidental daughter first birthday party noon Saturday. Although I received a cute Pooh invitation I had not rsvp'd nor had I planned to go before he called last week and asked me to come. Gah. So, Fri night before bed I mentioned it, and the tentative plan was in place. Not that I'd gotten a card or a gift or anything..

And Saturday morning stuff happened, as it tends to. At 12:30 when I was upright and could open my laptop I replied to the directions mail that I wasn't going to be able to make it, that if I left right that instant I'd barely get there before 2 (the closing time of the party).
I deliberately did not call, as I did not have any useful response to the hurt feelings that may have been generated. Similarly I'm not caling him back today...

So, more calls yesterday and today. I called my Dad back to make sure there wasn't something of actual import going on, and he merely delivered guilt about me not being there, saying it was 'important'.

WTF ever. F-ing relatives (and I actually do okay with my mom and dad). Did I ask everyone I'm kin to to come over for tea the last couple times I got fired, failed out of school, or had a messy breakup? Why do I get shit for not wanting to help validate his massive errors in judgment?

And how tf am I supposed to help them raise their child, take on some of the responsibility for their stupid, when I've got plenty of my own AND people in my family with children (and some sense about them) to look out for?

Comments

[aklarand.livejournal.com]

You seem to be stuck in an interesting cycle about this whole thing. Ostensibly this kid has about 40-60% of your DNA matched thus, might have a chance at a lack of suckage that your brother, who has a much higher match rate seems to have filed at. However, your desire to have very little to do with your brother seems to have little to nothing to do with the spawn and rather, stems from an interesting world view about family and whatnot. I've seen you struggle for years to treat 'family' like something... but I've never been convinced that you knew what that something was... I think.

Honestly, when I was growing up, my family raised me. Not just the near relatives but the long distance ones so, I have a pretty good idea of what a good family thing can do. Thus, I visit the niece and cousins as often as my terribly busy schedule can allow because I honestly have a delusion that it'll positively impact 'em in the longrun.

Given that your niece is only 1 year old and probably has very little comprehension of the whole thing, I really don't see it as something to fret over for her sake and I think that your family is just being a little odd about the whole thing. If it's them wondering if you're even getting along with them at all, well, that I have no opinion on at all as I don't really know the details there.

On the plus side, everything can seem to be summed up as: the kid don't care and your family'll get over it.

Hmmm

[adric]

Yes, I am familiar with the definition of family you use there, and in fact my mom (in particular) is that way, keeping up with her various cousins and aunts to this day. I never was. Most of my parents kin, living and dead, are nuts or otherwise non-useful, with a couple exceptions... and I have interacted with them mostly civilly since I passed the age of majority, but I can't really help any of them ..

My 'brother' .. well in this incarnation I might have known him five years, perhaps including some weekend visits when he was in the Navy. We have some things in common and get on fairly well, but I've never been sure if he was family. I think this incident is helping me finally decide that.